I have a contribution, world.

I would like to introduce a game I came up with last week, while in bed with a cold: Tinder Top Trumps.

Pick a category. In this case, it’s “People who have taken a photo of themselves next to something far more visually arresting or exciting than they are, rendering themselves the least interesting part of the photo.”

Flick through until you find a winner. (You might want to save the good ones that don’t fit to win future categories, you never know when you’ll need them.)

Much more satisfying than actually trying to have a conversation with anyone on Tinder. You are welcome, people.

Next time: “People holding weird things in a weird way”.

Suggested categories for those of you who wish to play at home:

“People whose interior decor gives an unnerving window into their souls” ,

“People who are under the mistaken impression that the [item of clothing] looks good on them, but it doesn’t.”

INTRODUCING THE FINALISTS IN THE CATEGORY:

PEOPLE WHO HAVE TAKEN A PHOTO OF THEMSELVES NEXT TO SOMETHING FAR MORE VISUALLY ARRESTING OR EXCITING THAN THEY ARE

Nah. I have to admit I included this because at first I thought a ship was sinking behind him. It’s not. Next.


Your eyes do go right to the clown, but then you end up wondering about their relationship, why she thought this would be a good idea, what’s with the pink fan etc. Eventually, you just want her to not exist. It’s good, but it’s not quite reaching the heights I’d hope for in this tough category.

 

 

Good effort, Matthew, but actually, I find your placement in this photo intriguing, nay, alluring.

Your head takes up almost exactly the same amount of room here as the Vietnamese flag, Jack; so I feel like it’s not quite a contender. Both are striking, and masculine, and represent something much more profound than the physical object. The contrast is complementary rather than one crowding out the other; the flag is more brightly coloured than your head, yes, but not in itself enough to distract completely from your unwavering, manly gaze. Next.

Now we’re talking. By including a fish that is making THE EXACT SAME FACE AS HIM, Richard is taking this competition to a whole new level. However… the fish doesn’t detract from his gravitas. It adds to the scene; the light is rippling across the scales as if across the kitchen counter in an old Dutch master, and the two of them together conjure up a stirring image that cuts to the heart: a still, quiet pool of pathos in an unforgiving, chaotic world. Yes, Richard is an artist. But not a winner in this round of Tinder Top Trumps.

Holy shit, Alberto, you’re on to something here. Sitting in a bath (and/or wooden trunk) next to a giant print of sumo wrestlers?! Not only do you know what women want, Alberto, but you know what I want out of the winner of this competition. Strong contender., a very strong contender.


BUT WE HAVE A WINNER

Chris has, by dint of being perfectly nice-looking, but wholly unremarkable, AND situating himself directly in front of large, curious and/or arresting items not once, not twice, but three times, has gone the extra mile. He’s played the game to the letter and has come out on top of this Top Trumps category.

I salute him.

This was the picture which inspired this category: I looked at this weird hill for a full minute before I looked at him. Well played, sir.

CHRIS. CHRIS. ARE YOU…. IN FRONT OF A DRAMATIC RE-ENACTMENT OF THE SINKING OF THE TITANIC?

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