4 ways to use birds to convey your sexual potency on Tinder

You would not believe the number of men who photograph themselves with large birds (usually birds of prey) on Tinder.

I haven’t kept all of them, because they’re not actually funny; and I am considerate of your feelings.

But after seeing it a million times, I’ve started to wonder what is going through these guys’ heads when they consciously select the ‘large bird’ picture for their Tinder profiles.

So, just to get it out the way so that we can get back to Tinder Top Trumps: here is a selection of the common ‘large birds’ shots, with some best guesses of the subtext.

1. The Standard: I’m a Nice Guy with AN EDGE

The tried and tested falconry shot. Continue reading

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Tinder Top Trumps is back

Tinder Top Trumps kicked off on this blog with the difficult category “People who have taken a photo of themselves next to something far more visually arresting or exciting than they are, rendering themselves the least interesting part of the photo.”

This week, I’m bringing you “People holding something weird in a weird way.”

Let the challenge commence.

Sub-category of honorable mentions #1:

Dudes holding babies

A surprising number of men tend to grab a baby as a prop for their Tinder shots, which I find disturbing in the extreme.

You do understand the point of Tinder is to hook up, right? The entire purpose of the picture is for women to look at it and make a split-second, hormone-driven decision as to whether she wants to be naked with you.

IT’S NOT WHOLESOME TO INVOLVE YOUR CHILDREN IN THIS ENDEAVOR, GENTLEMEN.

However, in the mess of many, many dudes holding babies I’ve swiped, there were some contenders for this category’s winner, including one woman. Just because looking at them makes me feel…sort of….weird.

Screenshot_2015-11-26-18-26-21

HEY YOU GUYS

HEYYYYY

THAT’S MY DAD HE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU

Continue reading

I have a contribution, world.

I would like to introduce a game I came up with last week, while in bed with a cold: Tinder Top Trumps.

Pick a category. In this case, it’s “People who have taken a photo of themselves next to something far more visually arresting or exciting than they are, rendering themselves the least interesting part of the photo.”

Flick through until you find a winner. (You might want to save the good ones that don’t fit to win future categories, you never know when you’ll need them.)

Much more satisfying than actually trying to have a conversation with anyone on Tinder. You are welcome, people.

Next time: “People holding weird things in a weird way”.

Suggested categories for those of you who wish to play at home:

“People whose interior decor gives an unnerving window into their souls” ,

“People who are under the mistaken impression that the [item of clothing] looks good on them, but it doesn’t.”

INTRODUCING THE FINALISTS IN THE CATEGORY:

PEOPLE WHO HAVE TAKEN A PHOTO OF THEMSELVES NEXT TO SOMETHING FAR MORE VISUALLY ARRESTING OR EXCITING THAN THEY ARE

Nah. I have to admit I included this because at first I thought a ship was sinking behind him. It’s not. Next.


Continue reading